This Pregnancy Compared to the Last
All I know is that so many people told me that pregnancies can be so different from each other. Regardless of the gender of the babe or the age you were during the pregnancies, most women I’ve talked to have experienced different pregnancies from kid to kid. So how is my second pregnancy so far? I would say…different. Some of the feelings I get bring me back to less than 2 years ago when I was pregnant with Cha. I am convinced women have this amazing ability to block out the negative parts of pregnancy and birth, just so they continue to have the will to reproduce. If we really kept all of those memories near and dear, we would never do it again, right?!
Although we are in fact having another girl (YAY!), my pregnancy does seem different than my first. I have complained and been over-dramatic to my husband and have said it feels harder, but I think there are a ton of things at play here. So, it’s safer to say it’s just different, not exactly harder.
SO, WHAT’S DIFFERENT?
+ LESS ANXIOUS THOUGHTS
I put this first because I’m the happiest about this. This is the sole reason why I cannot claim that this pregnancy is harder than the first. I feel so thankful to have my experience with my first pregnancy, when I had extreme perinatal OCD and anxiety–specifically intrusive thoughts. I feared that I wouldn’t be a good mom. I feared that I would accidentally or even purposely hurt my babe—yes! I cringed writing that. This was so hard to admit to my husband and even my therapist. I was so worried that I would be looked at as disgusting and disturbing/psychopathic for having those thoughts. It resulted in shame and silence. I was so relieved to find that because I was so disturbed by the thoughts, I was not going to act on them. Intrusive thoughts are tricks that your brain plays on you. It’s exhausting, but I had to remind myself of that constantly. I have recently found the best account on insta that has normalized speaking about the struggles that mothers go through during and after pregnancy. If you are expecting, or plan to in the future, and are worried about possible perinatal mental struggles, please do yourself a favor and follow this page: @happyasamother.* And of course, reach out for help and talk about it. Saying your fears out loud actually helps to realize how unrealistic they really are.
+ MORE NAUSEA + FOOD ADVERSIONS
And while I’m so thankful for my mental health, my physical sickness has been more of a struggle. I am not one to throw up when I’m nauseous (thank god—emetophobic over here!), but in turn I will just be nauseous all day, not knowing how to deal until I go to bed that night to sleep it off. The first trimester seemed very similar to my first, where I could only eat breads and starches for a few weeks.
+ NO BOOB GROWTH OR PAIN ?!
This was the weirdest change for me. I just remember knowing I was pregnant because of nipple and boob soreness. It’s not the soreness that you get right before or during a period cycle, but a pain and soreness that makes you lightheaded when you rub your boob up wrong against something. LOL. My first pregnancy, I had the pain and also the growth. For a girl that’s never been big-chested, I was not exactly mad at my new boobs. This time–nothing. No boob changes yet, even at 20 weeks. I expressed concern to my OB about this. Her answer? All pregnancies are different.
+ MIGRAINES
Headaches that last for 24-48 hours. Nothing fixes it except sleep. Sometimes two extra strength Tylenol followed by a cup of caffeine helps. Other than that, I have to wait for it to pass. Being on the phone or computer probably doesn’t help the cause, of course.
+ MORE EXHAUSTION
Anyone I say this to just reminds me that I’m probably just more aware of my exhaustion this time around because I have a 16 month old that is keeping me on my toes. Yes, that could be true, but I also have help! I am so grateful to have someone watching Cha for 4 hours a day while I get work done. I remember reading about the bursts of energy you can get in the second trimester, and I remember experiencing it with my first. This time around? Not so much.
+ A BETTER MINDSET
I’ve experienced some tough things within my family and friends recently– some real moments of “life is so short”, and I think my overall mindset has changed. I feel grateful and blessed, regardless of how I may be feeling physically. I feel like I can enjoy this pregnancy as I grow, because I know what’s to come and the feeling that my heart is going to experience when I bring another babe into this world. I am no longer fearing what’s to come, like I was for my first. I am confident and excited that we are given the amazing opportunity and sweet blessing of raising baby no2.
As for the rest of the pregnancy? I’ll keep ya posted on how it’s goin!
xo,
Madi
***If you or anyone you know is struggling with a mental health crisis, please call 1-800-662-HELP (4357).