My Journey with Breastfeeding
WOW! A journey it has been. I must say to start out this post, out of all the advice and things people talked to me about when I was pregnant, breastfeeding was not one of them. Not sure where I missed the memo on this or why I didn’t think anything of it, but I just really thought it wouldn’t be that much of a struggle. My biggest fear with it was definitely the idea of not being able to produce enough milk for my baby, since I knew both my sister and mother had a hard time with that. (I’ve been told that genetics do play a big part in breastfeeding).
With that said, I’m going to cover our story a bit, and then what I wish I knew, the products that were my holy grail, and what I will do different for the next kid. (Disclaimers: This is meant to help new or expecting mamas. Please please please remember that everyone’s experience is different and this post is meant to be supportive).
OUR STORY : FROM THE HOSPITAL
Right after Charlotte came out, she was looking for the boob immediately. This girl wanted to eat STAT and she still loves to eat. Thankfully, this made our first latch feel easy. It was not long before she was latched onto both sides (for 30 min each) for our first hour of skin-to-skin bonding. It felt totally fine at first. Let’s be real, the pain mixed with exhaustion and euphoria caused me to feel pretty numb when it came to feeding. I thought to myself, wow. This is incredible! This is so natural for us. My family came in the room after she was born and my mom and sister were blown away by the fact that she was latched and seeming to be feeding so well. So were the nurses.
It wasn’t until about 8 hours later where I started to feel intense burning/chaffing pain from feeding. I asked for some nipple cream (I didn’t bring any of my own) and I was taking high doses of ibuprofen for post-labor pains and contractions. It helped in the meantime and latching was still going well. She was definitely getting the colostrum she needed. By the time we left the hospital, she was only 4oz lighter than her birth weight, which was great (apparently babies usually lose from 7% to 10% of their birthweight within the first couple days, and should gain it back by around the 2 week mark).
Once we were home and my milk fully came in, the real pain kicked in. My nipples started to bleed and crack. I would sit up up perfectly straight, a million pillows packed around me, with Charlotte’s head perfectly placed, wincing and curling my toes in preparation for every single latch. I dreaded feeding her, which ended up being a whole day of dread because we all know newborns cluster feed all day long. I sat in pain while visitors came to our house to see us. I constantly cried because of intense pain and the rush of postpartum hormones running through me. I thought to myself, “how will I get through this?” I questioned if I should just give up breastfeeding. I started reading so many blog posts and online forums where mothers talked about the pain of breastfeeding and how it goes away. How you get through the threshold of pain and it becomes magical. I wished and wished for that moment.
Around day 6 or 7, I decided that I needed to try pumping since my nipples were not healing with her constantly feeding. I was so nervous to pump. I was not planning on doing it until a few weeks, just because I wanted us both to get used to the feeding process. I went to a lactation consultant, bought creams, researched other tools for managing pain, and constantly watched the quality of her latch. The lactation nurse said her latch was great and that the pain should start to subside. I was told that when their mouths or so tiny, it’s harder to get the perfect latch each time. This is one of the biggest reasons why it does take time for both you and your baby to get the hang of it all.
So that’s what it took. Time. 6 weeks specifically. I really had to be patient with it all. And let me tell you…it was so worth it. Worth the pain, bleeding, emotional breakdowns, clogged ducts, and late nights of pumping. And looking back, it did not feel like 6 weeks at all. That’s what they’ll always tell you about postpartum and your baby getting bigger. The days will feel long, but the weeks will fly by. Charlotte is now 9 months and we did exclusive breastfeeding (and solids starting at 4.5 months) until now. We have just started to supplement with formula for some of her feedings so that I can get more time back and plus, her teeth coming back has brought me back to the good old days of pain). I’m super proud of our journey and I am happy I stuck with it.
THINGS I WISH I KNEW BEFORE BREASTFEEDING
Although I am super happy that I stuck with it, of course I would recommend that you should do whatever works for you and it does not matter if your baby is fed by your milk or formula. All that matters is that they’re getting fed, they’re happy, and that YOU are happy. I will admit that I was stubborn. I fell into that guilt of quitting breastfeeding. What I would say now though, is let’s get rid of that stigma! Once and for all. Breastfeeding, I repeat, does NOT make you a better mom, caretaker, person. With all that said, there are a few things I would tell my best friend if she were to ask me about breastfeeding. (key word: ASK. No one is looking for unsolicited advice from anyone).
+ It’s not true that “If you’re doing it correctly, it’s not supposed to hurt.”
Hate to break it to ya nurses and lactation specialists, but this is not always true! I have heard from many people that their babies’ latch was ‘approved’ by a LC or nurse and they were still in pain. Breastfeeding is almost like creating a callus on your nipples. Some babies have really strong sucks (Charlotte included) and the mother will go through a period of soreness in order to build up the tolerance to that suck. Every woman is different, and so is every baby.
+ Your milk let down can cause a wave of depression or hopeless feeling
After going to a breastfeeding group (before covid19 hit), I learned that I had a condition called Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (known as D-MER). This phenomenon occurs when your baby latches on, signaling the releases of the hormone oxytocin. This hormonal change, which is also related to Dopamine, is what likely causes a sudden dip in mood, wave of anxiety, and/or deep lulling depression. Since the let down of milk happens quickly, it makes dopamine levels in your blood drop, and then quickly return, making you feel suddenly normal again. This definitely explained the frustrations and sensitivities I had to loud noises right when we sat down to feed.
+ Going to a breastfeeding group (even if it’s on zoom) is so beneficial
I’ll be honest. I’m definitely don’t think I’ll be that mom in those mommy groups (that may change). So that definitely made it hard for me to come out of my shell and sign up for a breastfeeding group. It is so good for you hear other people’s stories, and sometimes it makes you feel more grateful about your own hard stories. That may sound bad, but being a part of each other’s miseries (or triumphs) can really be beneficial for your mental health.
+ Many factors can affect your milk supply
This one seems very obvious, but I didn’t know my supply it could be so affected by stress, sleep, physical activity, diet, etc. If you notice a dip in your supply, take a look at what is happening in those areas of your life. A postpartum doula once told me that breastfeeding is an extension of being pregnant. Your body is still not only yours. Take care of it as if you were pregnant (with the occasionally glass(es) of wine, of course).
+ Using all your resources will make for a smoother experience
Having a hard time? Find someone to vent to about it. It’s not always rainbows and glitter. It’s not always the most glorious way of bonding for you and your baby. It’s okay to admit it sucks sometimes, and hopefully you will be able to admit that more than a few times during your postpartum days. Go to breastfeeding classes. Read the blog posts. Read the baby books! (I refused to because I had such bad anxiety during pregnancy—and I’ll go into that on another day). Buy all the breastfeeding relief tools!!! Let me tell you, I got every single one of these (linked below) and they all helped me at different times of the process. (diclaimer: I purchased all except the wireless pump, but let me tell you, this is the first on the list for next baby.)
I hoped this helps you lovely people <3
xx,
Madi
